All Brawn and No Brains

Sweetheart, he’s bleeding again.

Not what anyone wants to hear first thing in the morning.

Who is he? My beautiful boyfriend, Trapper Jr. AKA T.J. AKA Teej AKA Dumb (or Dumber depending on the situation).

If you are curious as to why my darling husband said “again”, it is because TJ is constantly getting into trouble. In the last year, he has been injured by:

  • Barbed Wire – Back (One Set of Stitches)
    • Venomous Snake – Rt. Front Leg (Benadryl, Aspirin, and Many Head Pats)
      • Alligator – Lft. Front Paw (Time and More Time)
        • Assumed Gun Shot / Actually Impalement – Hip (Vet Visit, Internal Stitches, and House Bound)
      • Venomous Snake – Face (Benadryl, Aspirin, and Many More Head Pats)
    • Entangled in Barbed Wire – Arms and Chest (No Treatment Needed)
  • Completely Entangled in Barbed Wire – Arms/Chest/Back (Three Sets of Stitches and House Bound)

Which brings us to his latest escapade. But first, (as always) a little back story.

We don’t live in a neighborhood. Our yard isn’t fenced. Our dogs don’t wear collars, on purpose. We have many critters we raise, and many predators who like to eat them, if and when they get a chance. When you read the aforementioned catastrophes and hear about this week’s disaster, please don’t be alarmed. This is actually his job (to protect, not the stupidity).

WARNING: Graphic-ish content ahead.

Still clad in my pajamas, I hurry over to the door to find my sweet pooch with blood from the middle of his tail, all the way down his hind legs. And he was still bleeding profusely.

My first question was, “Did his b****hole explode?!” — (I’m sorry, I know that is an unpleasant word, unfortunately there is not a nicer way to say that without getting into medical terms, which in this situation sound far worse.)

What else could have possibly caused that much blood to come out of his behind? At this point, Morgan said something that I have only heard once before, when we thought TJ had been shot.

He needs to go to the vet.

Realizing that we were beyond the standard Clean ‘Em Up, Stitch ‘Em Up Situation meant that he was in pretty bad shape. So I hurriedly clothed myself, blanketed my back seat, and put his bottom in the car (not punny, Monica).

I rushed him to our large animal veterinarian, who is much closer than our usual fellow. To my dismay, he had a packed waiting room and it took us an hour to get in with him. Poor TJ had been bleeding so much, that the process of putting him on the table painted the entire exam room with blood spots. (Picture what you would get from flinging a paintbrush on a blank canvas.)

Once on the table, they gave him the worst haircut in the history of haircuts, resulting in full-blown baboon bottom. Once his rump was shaven, we were able to see exactly what we were dealing with. TJ had suffered one of the nastiest canine bites I have ever seen.

Coyotes are quite a problem in our neck of the woods, and will easily kill chickens, goats, even young calves (poor Fred Astaire). Fortunately for us, our dogs hate coyotes, and chase them off anytime they get close to our property. I suppose they were outnumbered this time, or he was moving a little too slowly, because a coyote bit him inside his bottom.

I’ll allow that to sink in for a second.

Don’t ask me how; I have no idea. Poor Teej was bit on his insides, at the base of his tail, nicked on his boy parts, and nicked on his foot. It is an absolute miracle that he was able to make it through the tree line and back to our house. Coyotes typically go for the hamstring to cripple whoever they are attacking in order to kill it. We are so grateful they missed that tendon and that he is such a tough cookie.

By the time I picked him up from the first vet (6 hours after the attack), he was still steadily bleeding from his insides, just not in the volume that he was when I took him in. Morgan and I were both really concerned about the wound still being open, and amount of blood he had potentially lost, so our vet kindly referred us to a specialist center for surgery.

Doc made the call to them as I was heading out the door. Roughly ten minutes later, my phone rang. It was the specialist’s office. They were so incredibly sweet, but informed me that they wouldn’t be able to assess him for an additional four hours.

That was not going to work.

I located a different specialist an hour away, and our sweet doc went through the hassle of referring us again. Unfortunately, those people never returned my call. Helpless is not an emotion that I feel often, but with my beautiful boy panting in the backseat and no one able to take us in, that is the emotion that began sinking in.

I called two different offices before finding someone who was able to see us. And wouldn’t you know, it was an associate of our normal veterinarian! She had us in the door and was examining him within five minutes of that call. Ironically, by the time I was able to find a place to see him, he had stopped bleeding! Which was fantastic! 

In hindsight, I can see that God was definitely blocking my path, but I was too wrapped up in my worries to hear him.

Rather than opening him up for an invasive surgery, we were able to stop up his potty habits to give his bum a little time to heal. Fun Fact: The inside of your bottom can heal itself in roughly 48 hours. And even though his internal wound was large enough for the doc to fit her index finger in (Ouch!), it was already on its way to closing up.

Now, my handsome boy is coned, doped up, and house ridden. Which I am actually getting quite a kick out of (I love the snuggly company). I am so incredibly thankful that he is alive and on his way to being healed, but it was certainly a close call. Have you ever experienced any near catastrophic occurrences with your babies?

More about Monica

Monica is dreamer and voice behind Ethie and Co. When she is not destroying the kitchen, you can find her outside tending to her gaggle of animals.


    1. Have you ever read the book “Alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day”?
      Wishing your sweet dog 🐶 a very speedy recovery.

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